Learning the words to her song.

I don't know how to vocalize what it's like having a child with SPD (sensory processing dysfunction).  I don't know how to express the frustrations we all face.  I don't know how to explain what is going on with Lyric because there are times when I don't understand it well myself.  I am doing my best to gather information.  We've gone to a workshop and I'm reading a great resource (Your Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz).  Those help me grasp a little more of what we are dealing with.   But even that can't always prepare me for what might irritate or frustrate her.  Or for my lack of patience in dealing with days of constant struggle.  I can't really fully put into words what it is like to have a from all outward appearances 'normal' 3.5 year old who can't fully speak clearly or articulate her thoughts...who lashes out in frustration...who often just stares into space...who doesn't always observe social cues...who can't eat neatly eventhough she tries (all issues stemming from SPD).  I can't tell you why she is like she is.  I don't understand what caused her nervous system to begin functioning like it does...I just know that it does.

I just know that I have a beautiful daughter...who has a purely gentle and kind spirit.  She is strong.  She works so hard at therapy and is learning so much.  She may struggle in matters dealing with her 5 senses...but she is emotionally in tune with her world.  She is creative and cheerful...and Smart!   In reading more about SPD I realize her world is a hard one...but you wouldn't know from looking at her.  She is eager to learn and to please.

It makes me teary eyed thinking of what she has to overcome daily to be able to do things that we take for granted... because her body and brain aren't communicating in sync. This may seem kind of confusing to you.  I will try and do a separate post soon on exactly what my understanding of SPD and Lyric's specific issues are...but for now I'm just sharing my heart.

Lyric is amazing.  There are days when I question why she can't just be 'normal'.  Why she and we have to deal with this.  I ask myself if there was something we could have done sooner or done differently.  It is hard to wrestle with all of the emotions that come when you learn your child needs therapy or has problems developing/learning, etc...  But what I have been thinking about lately is that really it's just about me (and Ian and the people around Lyric) learning the words to her song.  The song that is her life...we are learning how to help her and also just know what makes her the way she is.  She is her own unique person...and as true as that is for every child, for a child with SPD or any other issue similar or different, it takes on a whole new meaning.  And that is what I mean when I say I'm learning the words to her song.  I'm learning what it means and what it takes to be able to have Lyric be all that she can be in the context of who she already is.

I love my daughter.  I love how genuine and honest her spirit is and I love that she loves so openly.  I struggle with her struggles.  Because it's hard sometimes.  But Lyric...she's so worth it.  Worth all the therapy appointments and schedule adjustments and extra time and work...because if I learn the words to her song...we can sing it together.